well....

My birthday party was great. Everyone keeps telling me how much fun they had. I was a little stressed bc I was trying to play the good host and talk to everyone equally but apparently I didnt. I felt like at the beginning of the evening I never connected with Justin, not avoiding him just never made it in his direction. So at the later part of the evening I made it a point to cuddle and stroke his ego a bit. He said he completely understood and I was ok. Then today (after being depressed since Sunday) I read a comment saying that I was pushing him away!!! I really would hate to think that is true since I spent my entire day Saturday and most of the morning Sunday with him.

I dont know what is wrong with me lately. I have been in a depressed mood since Sunday night. I cant seem to shake it. I dont know if is bc he is thinking about moving to Cocoa Beach, or if it is just me, or if it is us being apart, or if it is my financial stress. Either way I need to shake this depression!!!!!!

Sorry it is so meaningless today....just cant put all my thoughts together:(