??????

OK. So I am finally not nervous about going meet Justin tomorrow(especially bc I know he is nervous too). But it is in a part of L.C. that i have never been in, I will be new meeting people for the first time, seeing him for the first time in 4 years and he will be seeing me also for the first time in 4 years. I know how much I have grown and changed in the past 53 months, I can only imagine how much he has changed as well. Not physically but we have both matured and had reality bite our asses. Have we grown the same? Does he care about the same things he use to? Things I really need to know. I know I am a better person (on the inside) then I was at 16 and 17 but I also know that I have made some major changes in my life too. Will he accept that? Has he done the same? Also I have gained a good 50+ pounds since me and him broke up. (And he has lost it thank you) Will he still be attracted to me?

On top of all of this, only 3 people know that I am going which in a way makes it easier but harder. My mom loves to give her $0.02 in to every conversation we have. And if it is about a relationship I will be teased to no end. And she wonders why I never tell her anything, she doesnt take it like a mom should. She takes it as a freshman in a catholic high school would about seeing a penis for the first time... She just giggles and points and makes a mockery of my feelings. How can I tell her that I am going meet some one who broke my heart in high school? She will laugh until her death over it if it would not work out. That is just how she is. She is my mom and I love her but I think it is best if she doesnt know everything.

I know the cliche': "if you love them let them go, if they come back then you know" may be true in some cases, but I am not about to put all of my eggs in one basket. We will see how Saturday goes and take it from there. I am not expecting a relationship but I wouldnt be against it. I just have that concrete wall up around my heart from Daniel, that I cant bring myself to tear it down just yet......PATIENCE!!!!!!

OK enough blogging...I have to get back to work! WISH ME LUCK!!!!